Sometimes it hits you harder.
I am often ever so grateful that I am no longer a teenager or young adult especially when it comes to the emotions: gone, in theory, those ups and downs caused by hormonal swings.
Then all of a sudden and with no warning, something hits you and even as a “senior” or whatever is currently politically correct (a friend and I decided that in French we were in the “bel âge” as opposed to old, senior citizen, etc.) one falls back into that period of time when one was too sensitive, too quick to take umbrage, too everything, leading even to tears.
These past few days have been emotionally stressful – the end of the visiting nephews and good friends, the illness and treatment of a good friend, the fun (yes even fun can be a great stressor – on some scales a wedding ranks right up there with a funeral), but it wasn’t until yesterday that I realized part of the reason: today marks the third anniversary of my little sister’s death and for whatever reason or combination of circumstances it has hit me extremely hard, leading me to plunge back into that maelstrom of over-the-top feelings.
For someone who is rarely up-up and perhaps once in a decade down-down, it has come as a shock to lose, even temporarily, my usual even temperedness and I’m hoping that by laying low this too shall pass and that I will quickly return to my sunny self (even the sun has gone to hide behind the clouds, which really isn’t fair as I had intended taking a hike up the mountain this last weekend of cable cars.
As I posted to Facebook: I was, and still am, her big sister and today hurts.
|left to right: Karyn, Julia with Pat on her lap - 1953|