The definitive answer…

To the toilet paper quandary of “over or under”

Recently one of my friends presented the statistics and arguments concerning one of the most widely – and heatedly – debated questions of all times, i.e. “does one put the roll in such a manner as to have the sheets coming over, or coming under”?

Wheeler's patent

I can now give a very good reason for my stance of “over – always”!

I defy anyone to take a few sheets off of the roll with one hand if said roll is “under” –

In the hospital the whole roll ended up on the floor and the following picture depicts just how convenient it is when the roll is in the “over” position!

On the same subject – I am fast becoming an expert on “how to live and survive with only one good arm”, so although hopefully none of you will ever need these tips, I will share them anyway as a means of preventing your having to use them!

If a right-handed person finds themselves in the position of not being able to use said right arm or hand, guess what – you can survive.

My handwriting is now clearer than formerly – actually legible - as I need to really apply myself; my left hand is fairly good at typing – at least anything that the left hand always types; my eating skills with the left hand are not quite so good, but of benefit to the cats as tidbits do end up on the floor; I have re-discovered my thighs – I can actually squat to retrieve something from the floor and so on.

But there are valuable tips as well:

Make sure that you always have at least one of your husband’s – or in my case grown son’s – shirts available. Two or more are better as that allows for a change of style. They are the only things that one can actually put on one arm, wrap around one’s body and still button in front – also the fact that the buttons are left facilitates the process. Make sure that you always have a couple of stretchy, knitted sweaters on the slightly too large side, again one puts on one arm, wraps around and buttons. Note, one can dress oneself – it only takes 20 minutes instead of the usual two. Saturdays and Sundays are easier as I allow myself to wear jogging pants with an elastic band… also helps preserve the two pair of pants that I can actually close the buttons on without aid. And yes, using one’s teeth to secure scarves or the like is totally allowed.

Tired of the dangling hand? A good old-fashioned wooden spatula inserted underneath the arm of the cloth sling helps immensely!

The same spatula becomes a handy place to drape the strap of whatever needs to be carried thus allowing one to use both hands!

Then there are the magnetic and pincher “sticks” acquired for fishing things out from behind the washer and dryer years ago – they come in very handy when one drops the telephone, it splits and the batteries go promptly under the nearest sink/radiator or other distant item.

I may well discover other tips for dealing with my current handicap – and will surely share them.

Meanwhile, it’s Sunday, it’s snowing and I am safe and secure inside.