Could’ve, Should’ve?

It would’ve been my husband’s 85^th birthday today. He died 20 years ago just three weeks before his 65^th.

He could have lived ‘til 85 – at least statistically for that generation. Those who made it through WWII had a good chance and there are several of his university friends who have. He also has several who didn’t make it much longer than he.

Should have?

He was 10 when the war ended and probably wasn’t well-nourished throughout his early life although his father did his best and sent his family out of the war-bombed city to the countryside.

He had his first major illness at just 32 and owed his life then to penicillin.

At just age 34 he had open heart surgery – the replacement of the aortic valve: he was lucky as living at that point in a major city in Switzerland that had the latest machines.

At age 45 he had his second open-heart surgery with the replacement of his mitral valve and re-replacement of his aortic valve. They threw in a pacemaker as well.

He never had colds, the flu only once that I recall, but major crisis he could do.

What kept him going? Probably finding someone to be at his side, then the birth of his adored sons. He worked hard to stay healthy and got those last 20 years.

So should he have turned 85? On will alone – a resounding yes. Logistically probably no.

I’ll still remember and still raise a glass to an extraordinary man. Happy Birthday RSL!

In Alaska the summer of 1999 less than 6 months before his death

Names or…

The mangling thereof.

I grew up in an English-speaking western world.

Then I moved to Europe and learned French. Still a Western World and although words and pronunciation entirely different, the basic ideas and particularly names remained legible and pronounceable. Then I met and married a German. Now there’s a logical language: need a new word? Simply put two already-existing ones together and voilà a new word that makes perfect sense for the new situation and doesn’t require (as do both English and French) an entire phrase to explain a new concept. Still as 60% of English and in particular names in the USA are of German origin, recognizable.

Where I first encountered problems was during my years working for the Luthern church here in Geneva. If Asian names were kind of o.k. (I had spent three years in Hawaii as a teenager), African ones were beyond me. It took quite some time before I had even a hope of saying them correctly never mind spelling them. And I am sure that they, too, faced the great divide when it came to some of our names!

Upon marrying I took my husband’s name, a double-barreled one at that. This posed problems as in Switzerland the last half of a hyphenated name is usually the woman’s maiden name. I will not mention the number of times I had to return official documents or credit and bank cards for the correction of my name. Then computerization hit the world.

The first computers were limited to about 7 letters maximum; anything thereafter got truncated so I was often very frustrated when formulas asked for my name, but wouldn’t take it, never mind the hyphen. It was particularly problematic in the travel industry and I basically ended up having a variety of last names depending upon the airline. Truncated I was kind of o.k. with, but one of the very best, that continues to this day, was KLM’s

I am Mme. Sxxxxx Leaf Fen.

Every time I get an email address to me I always wonder if I can’t go be a Leaf in a Fen – that would at least make sense.

Caring and sharing

What a topsy-turvy day the first of February was. I had a “free” day: simply the absence of any and all formal arrangements – still a lot to do, but nothing obligatory.

I was slow to get up for my coffee.

I had thought to eventually make the rounds of some of my favorite places throughout the canton such as the recycling center to drop off paints and the like that can’t be left on the curb, to take the sack of gathered items to the Salvation Army and the like, but already before leaving for the village I had nixed all that in favor or a quiet day in and around home.

So: few clients in the mini-mart and I was able to have coffee with the owner who shared some of his dreams. A client came in who had forgotten his wallet (on bike) – no problem I applied the concept of a “forgotten coffee” or whatever it is that they call it. The client in turn helped the owner pick up the models on the sidewalk that started falling over in the wind. An invitation for fondue was received – and accepted.  What else will the day bring? It is sometimes marvelous to go with the flow!

So in honor of “getting something done” after making my lunch date I decided to run a few errands including making the mad dash to the complex in the next village down to post a letter to a good friend: I was only a couple of months behind! That had me running into yet more acquaintances and had me late for lunch. Wanted to let H know, but, oops had left my cell phone at home. So had to swing by the house to leave the groceries then send a quick text to apologize. By the time I got there it was almost 13:00. Never mind H had also wanted to call me and say that he was running late, but didn’t have time! He needed to do a couple more things before our fondue – no problem; two of the City Councilors that I know were chatting in the rear so I joined them.

H eventually did get the fondue done – we had a delightful meal and were only “bothered” a couple of times by real clients. However, by the time we finished, it was going on 15:00 and I had eaten enough to need a nap.

The evening was much quieter, but the next day I first had a political coffee, ie one to meet the candidates for our upcoming city elections, then the family was here for lunch – my late husband’s favorite: grilled chicken, brussel sprouts and rice with gravy to celebrate his life. It is hard to imagine that it has been twenty years!

I quickly went to the local bakery for a slice of cake to share with my current housemate before settling in at home.

All in all a very good time was had caring and sharing both the joys and the sorrows.

Beauty Alert or…

Being aware.

I have the privilege of looking out of my bedroom window every morning (and believe me that is indeed a privilege as not only is my house very well located, but there was a time when I feared the loss of my sight).

The view is mostly the lake, the mountains, shades of grey or in the summer bright sunshine.

Then there are the days where the full moon is going down on those mountains or the sun (in the winter) hasn’t quite risen so the mountains are the same blue as the sky above them and if one is really lucky there is snow on the mountains that divide them. The sunsets can also be phenomenal, or a boat sailing past particularly gorgeous.

These moments are known in my household as “Beauty Alert”s and anyone living here has learned to come running if I shout out one as they never last more than a minute.

It doesn’t take much to make me happy: beauty alerts are a blessing. And sharing them makes them more enjoyable.

Early one morning after fresh snow on the Juras

Sun on the fresh snow through a very old tree

We all need..

A listening ear;

A helping hand;

Laughter;

Music;

Silence;

Understanding;

Love

We are all humans, and in spite of what some news reports would have us believe, most people are good!

Never forget that the richest become ill; that the poorest sometimes find a helping hand; that those who govern us are chosen by us; that we make our own choices for happiness – or not – on not only a daily basis, but by the second.

We are influenced first by our parents and our family circle, but that quickly enlarges to friends, teachers and anyone with whom we come in contact. We are – no excuses please for “I had it tough” etc. – what we make of ourselves.

We choose to listen, we choose to smile, we choose to nod to a stranger, we choose to lend a helping hand – or not. We CHOOSE. Let our choices be good!

Remembrance

“Our dead are not dead until we have forgotten them”

George Eliot

RIP

Rudolf (Ralf) Lothar Schmitz-Leuffen

Born in Cologne, Germany, died in Geneva, Switzerland

23.02.1935 – 02.02.2000